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Discussion in 'Throwing The Bones' started by Stallion, Aug 13, 2008.
Granted but it blows your mind.
I wish this site had a few more regulars.
Granted - the site buckles under the influx of new folks and old hands, and the posting is so fast and furious, you never get the chance to add your thoughts in any conversation anymore. The days of online isolation leave you a tormented, empty shell of your former self.
I wish the mail wasn't so slow.
Granted. Your mailbox is flooded with high speed spam. Since the wish didn't specify whether the mailbox was electronic or paper, your paper mailbox is also flooded with high speed junk mail. Both overflow, causing your computer to explode, ignite the paper mail, and burn your house down.
So my wheelchair is rolling downhill. One of the buttons is the brake, the other is the blaster; I wish I knew which was which.
Something tells you to push both of them at once, which results in a high-speed uncontrolled rocket-assisted wheel-smoking drift, easily earning top marks in the import tuner competition you didn't know you were participating in. :
I wish motor homes came equipped with door-mounted mini-guns and bumper-mounted rocket launchers.
Granted. The recoil from the mini-gun swings the door inwards, then the mini-gun sprays the inside of the motor home. Then the rocket fires and the exhaust sets the motor home on fire.
I wish the next release of the Thunderbird e-mail program included a "Delete spammer" button. You press this and the spammer goes up in flames.
Granted but you piss off Satan by taking his job.
I wish I could crush the universe with my hands.
Granted, but since you're in the universe, you're now dead.
I wish Semtex was available through legal channels.
Granted but someone uses it to demolish your home.
I wish someone made listening to, distributing, promoting and preforming country music a criminal offense.
Granted. The RIAA makes listening to country music an offense on the grounds that you are making an illegal copy of it in your brain. The same law applies to all other music as well.
The universe has been crushed, Semtex is legally available and I've taken Satan's job and presumably his home as well, which at least puts me outside the squashed universe. I wish I had enough Semtex for a Big Bang to create a new universe.
Granted, but your plans are ruined when a gigantic, gaseous Mexican poops on your head. The outer-universe is full of wondrous things, no? :
I wish I could be un-destroyed due to said universe going kablooey.
Granted. The Semtex explodes, creating a new universe, a talking horse and a gigantic, gaseous Mexican, in that order. The gigantic, gaseous Mexican eats the talking horse, then poops. And now I have a talking horse on my head.
I wish talking horses were the latest in fashionable hats.
Granted but they urinate on you out of spite.
I wish I could fry.
Granted, but now you're extra, extra crispy.
I wish Obama would steal another world leader's TV to ensure racial stereotypes are accurate. :
Granted but the situation becomes too awesome for you comprehend..
Answering Stallion's wish because Death: Extra Crispy has not recovered from being fried and forgot to add a new wish:
Granted, he steals the Japanese Emperor's TV. Reinforcing the stereotype about Americans not being able to understand a foreign language, Obama fails to understand the manual and the TV blows up.
I wish someone would buy all this horse-flavoured beer I have mysteriously acquired.
Granted but he uses the beer and throws over night parties thus keeping you awake.
I wish PCs would never go out of date.
Granted, but now the reason for the developers to make newer, shinier, prettier games vanishes, and you're left with crap that looks like it was made in the nineties.
I wish yams were immortal.
Granted. Yams are immortal. If anyone eats a yam, the yam continues to grow inside them, turning them into a zombie.
I wish to know where the beer party is so I can gate-crash it.
Granted but you wake up in a woman's dress.
I wish I had a little Satisfaction...
Granted. Meanwhile I've woken up in this still occupied woman's dress and am getting a lot of satisfaction. :d:
I wish there was something to eat and drink at this party besides zombie yams and horse beer.
Separate names with a comma.