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Joke thread

From Sailing, a Lubber's Dictionary:

Sailing - The fine art of getting wet and becoming ill while slowly going nowhere at great expense.
 
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Here's another:

Bar- Long, low-lying navigational hazard, usually awash, found at river mouths and harbor entrances, where it is composed of sand or mud, and ashore, where it is made of mahogany or some other dark wood. Sailors can be found in large numbers around both.
 
Beware: if the dog can't gets its snacks one way, it will get them some other way...

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I wish my toilet would stop running , I really need to go and I can't catch the dam thing .
 
The day after his wife disappeared in a boating accident, an Ocean City man answered his door to find two grim-faced Maryland State Troopers. "We're sorry Mr. Rice, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper.

"Tell me! Tell me! Did you find her?" Rice shouted.

"We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, an ashen Rice said, "Give me the bad news first."

The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the Assawoman Bay near the Rte 90 Bridge."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Rice. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"

The trooper continued. "When we pulled her up she had 12 huge blue crabs and 6 good-size blue crabs on her."

Stunned, Mr. Rice demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."
 
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