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Wacky News Stories

The Stupid Criminal:

In July of 2002, Tonda Lynn Ansley of Hamilton, Ohio shot her landlady in the head. This is generally fatal.
Ansley told police, "They commit a lot of crimes in The Matrix." Following her lead, Ansley's attorney reasoned that the "our world is just an illusion generated by our machine overlords" argument was bulletproof and used it as the cornerstone of an insanity defense. They claimed that Ansley thought her landlady was part of a scheme to "brainwash and murder" her while in reality everyone was presumably living in pods of red goo.
 
Man Claims he is a Vampire after Biting Woman on Neck

HOUSTON -- Police in Galveston, Texas, have arrested a man who broke into a woman's apartment, bit her on the neck and claimed to be a vampire.

The attack happened early Saturday morning.

Investigators said Lyle Bensley used his foot to break the door down and get inside the woman's apartment. The victim said that she had never met Bensley.

Galveston Police Department Capt. Jeff Heyes said during the alleged attack Bensley "made hissing sounds and growled."

Police said Bensley started dragging the woman down the hallway, but she managed to get away.

One of the woman's neighbors, Damian Gasaway, helped her escape. "It was so scary," said Gasaway, who helped the woman call police.

Officers arrived at the apartment complex a few minutes later and found Bensley in the parking lot wearing boxers. He was arrested and charged with burglary.

The victim suffered minor injuries but did not have to go to hospital.
 
Stallion said:
xD:

Leaking Mass. house dials 911 for help

After months of enduring a leaking pipe that buckled its floors and sagged its ceilings, an empty Massachusetts house somehow called police for help.

The Salem News reports the 911 call went out to police from a house in Marblehead on Wednesday after water short-circuited the phone system, apparently sparking the emergency call. Officers were sent to the address after the call was recorded as a hang up and a return call got static.

Inside, they found the wreckage, including potentially toxic mold, from a pipe that apparently burst during the winter.

Town officials say the interior may have to be gutted.

Police couldn't immediately locate owner James Cowen. His cousin, William Cowen, said he's not worried. He says James was left financially secure by his father and often travels.
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Didn't see this story Stallion. xD: That vampire article sounds familiar.
 
The Hypno-Robber

Vladimir Kozak's media-born nickname, "Hypno-Robber," was ripped right out of a really crappy issue of Spider-Man from the early '70s, and that's probably giving his skills as a criminal mastermind too much credit. He was a bank robber in Moldova, which was his first problem. If you are unfamiliar with Moldova, that's probably because its only claim to fame is being the poorest country in Europe with a good chunk of its citizens making about $2 per day.

Despite the country being the geographical equivalent of a wino, Kozak had either the balls or desperation to walk into six separate banks and attempt to rob them using eye contact, and a suave relaxing voice. Yes, in what had the potential to be modern history's greatest feat of unintentional comedy, he tried to hypnotize them Dr. Mindbender style, possibly with the use of a magic hypno-coin or glasses he purchased from a comic book.

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Using this technique, he managed to steal somewhere in the neighborhood of $40,000, or as it's known in Moldova, so rich you're automatically president. Since his crime spree began, the fierce power of the Moldovan police department has cracked down and warned all bank tellers to avoid eye contact with Hypno should he make an appearance. They were also advised to call security and not attempt to detain him themselves, because of course he may unleash his hypnosis when threatened.
 
We need more wackyness! xD

Georgia man runs himself over attempting to steal beer truck!

COLUMBUS, Ga., Nov. 24 (UPI) -- A Georgia man was injured and arrested while attempting to steal a beer truck from a local gas station.

55-year-old Gregory Miller was apprehended after attempting to steal a Coors Light delivery truck from a Circle K gas station in Columbus, Georgia around 6 a.m. Monday.

Miller drove the vehicle to a Bojangles restaurant where he pulled the truck over, but failed to put it in park leading the truck to drive over his leg.

After being brought into custody, Miller was taken to Midtown Medical center with a severe ankle injury.

When Miller is released from the hospital, he will face charges of theft by taking a motor vehicle and eluding police.
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Original story HERE!
 
Hmmph. I did that. :bonaparte

It was 1973 and I owned this 1959 Austin-Healey 100-6 sports car. It was gloss black with chrome details and chrome wheels with baby moon hub caps. The wheels and tires were 7 inches on the front and 9 inches on the back. On a car designed for 4 inch tires of course they stuck a long ways out of the body. But boy did that baby corner! Driving in the rain was fun because of the huge rooster tails coming off the tires.

So anyway the clutch went out. In typical English style instead of jacking it up and dropping the transmission out to change the clutch their method was to remove the seats, carpet, and floorboards and then lift the transmission out from the top. o_O Then replace the clutch and put it all back together again.

Naturally all this took so long that the old battery went dead and it wouldn't start. So a friend and I were out in the street push starting it. When we got it up to speed I started to climb in to throw it in gear and dump the clutch to start it. But when climbing in my left foot got caught by that big rear tire! Ya it got wrecked, and it almost stopped the car. So here I am dragging along half in and half out of the car and the other guy is still pushing away yelling "Keep pushing!".

Ah, the good old days...........:monkeydance
 
Ouch! Well, at least you had a good excuse, and could still enjoy a cold beer afterwards while you recovered.

This genius wont be drinking much besides water and warm pop for a while. :wp
 

A garbage truck caught fire in Hamilton, New Jersey on Tuesday and exploded. The explosion was due to natural gas cylinders, and damaged two nearby homes.

Full story HERE!

**EDIT**
Guess the AP decide to pay for that clip ... link above fixed! :rolleyes:
 
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Museum-invading mouse ensnared by display's 155-year-old mousetrap

READING, England, Feb. 5 (UPI) -- A British museum said the mousetrap that caught an invading rodent recently wasn't there for pest control, it was a 155-year-old piece on display.

The University of Reading's Museum of English Rural Life said workers arriving Thursday morning noticed an unusual email from an assistant curator: "There appears to be a dead mouse in this mousetrap ... which is not described as being there on the database."

The mouse apparently walked inside the Victorian-era mousetrap, which wasn't baited, and quickly found itself trapped inside.

The exact age of the Collin Pullinger & Son's Perpetual Mouse Trap is unknown, but the trap was patented in 1861.

Text printed on the trap declares that it will "last a lifetime," a claim that turned out to be an understatement.

"Isn't it amazing that a mousetrap that is 155 years old is still doing its job?" Guy Baxter, an archivist with the Museum of English Rural Life, told CBC Radio.

"I think he [the mouse] probably thought this was a nice place and unfortunately, he found the one thing that was more harmful to him than he to it," Baxter said.

The museum said it has not decided whether the mouse will be given a "dignified burial" or if it will become a permanent part of the exhibit.

"Let's pay tribute to the Victorians, and how wonderfully they managed to make things," Baxter said.
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Original story, and some pics HERE!
 
The museum said it has not decided whether the mouse will be given a "dignified burial" or if it will become a permanent part of the exhibit.
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Seriously??? :rofl
 
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