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There Once was a Pirate from Limerick...

SirChristopherMings

SirChristopherMings

Corrupter of Words
Storm Modder
If Robert Shaw and James Earl Jones, in the movie, <u><b>Swashbuckler, </b></u> are to be believed, then the limerick is the favored verse form of pirates and buccaneers, so I'm starting a thread for limericks and looking forward to seeing what shows up. I'm going to start the thread with a pirate themed limerick, but the limericks that follow can be on any subject, as far as I am concerned, whatever you think suitable for hanging around the Blind Parrot or the Douwesan Hot Tub.

<b>Master Bates' Hornpipe</b>

There once was a pirate named Bates,
Danced a hornpipe for all of his mates,
But he slipped on his cutlass,
And made himself `nut-less`,
And now he's just worthless on dates.

This is a limerick I came up with myself, please don't throw things...

<b>The Rock Hound's Day (Night) Job </b>

A Geologist/Showgirl, Delores,
Would dance in burlesquing chorus,
If her costume was sheer,
She would say with a sneer,
"I'd rather be opaque than porous!"

<img src="http://www.piratesahoy.com/forum/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rolleyes.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":rolleyes:" border="0" alt="rolleyes.gif" />

Can anybody give me an `Arrrrr-men`, brothers?
 
`arrrr-men`! <img src="http://www.piratesahoy.com/forum/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />
 
`ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-MEN`! <img src="http://www.piratesahoy.com/forum/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />

A favorite limerick of mine from waaaaaaaay back when (dinosaurs roamed the Earth, LOL!) -

An epicurean, dining at Crewe
Found quite a large mouse in his stew.
Said the waiter, "Don't shout,
or wave it about,
or the rest will be wanting one, too!" <img src="http://www.piratesahoy.com/forum/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/w00t.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":woot" border="0" alt="w00t.gif" />
 
There once was a pirate named Stew
Who had eyes for this woman named Sue.
He tried for her corset
But she did not endorse it,
and found himself with balls royal blue.

<img src="http://www.piratesahoy.com/forum/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":blah:" border="0" alt="tongue.gif" />
 
I remembered a limerick a friend of mine, in third grade, named Mark Stevens, wrote and I adapted it to make it fit in better with the site:

<b>Off the Chart</b>

There once was a pirate named Gray
Who's parrot squawked to him one day,
"There's the map, can't you read it?"
Said Gray, "I don't need it,
We're in the middle of an uncharted bay!"

Pretty good for a third grader I think.

<b>The Maiden Voyage</b>

A comely young maiden, Miss Banker,
Slept deep while the ship lay at anchor,
But awoke in the barque
'Pon a sailor's remark,
"Let's hoist up the topsheet and spanker!"

This is some doggerel verse I came up with a while ago, it's not a limerick, but I think it's bad enough to qualify as one:

<b>Spaulding's Hair Raising Experience</b>

Reginald Spaulding,
Who feared he was balding,
Used and ointment called, "Follicle Care",
But as one in a dream,
Once used vanishing cream,
And he disapeared into thin hair!

Be kind.... <img src="http://www.piratesahoy.com/forum/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/unsure.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":?" border="0" alt="unsure.gif" />
 
<img src="http://www.piratesahoy.com/forum/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/icon_eek.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":shock:" border="0" alt="icon_eek.gif" /> I LOVE IT! (thin hair, ha!) <img src="http://www.piratesahoy.com/forum/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />

I've seen storms that'd rip off yer clothes
and hell's fire in the eyes o' me foes.
But avast! I declare,
lad (lass), yer makin' me stare
'cause I've ne'er seen sails like those! <img src="http://www.piratesahoy.com/forum/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/icon_wink.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=";)" border="0" alt="icon_wink.gif" />

Here are some more:

The limerick is furtive and mean;
You must keep her in close quarantine,
Or she sneaks to the slums
And promptly becomes
Disorderly, drunk and obscene.
—Morris Bishop

A lighthouse keeper called Crighton
took to seeing a lady from Brighton,
but ships ran aground,
and sailors were drowned,
as she wouldn't have sex with the light on

<img src="http://www.piratesahoy.com/forum/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />
 
A big `Arrr-men` to sister Catalina, truly she's one of the faithful, tho' rarely in fleece with the flock. <img src="http://www.piratesahoy.com/forum/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/icon_eek.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":shock:" border="0" alt="icon_eek.gif" />

This is a limerick my youngest brother shared with me when he was in kindergarten:

<b>The Boat Named Joe</b>

There once was a boat named Joe,
Who went very slow,
But once he went fast,
And ev'rbody gasped,
And that's the way boats go.

(Take a bow, Mike, and the stern, and a spell in the crow's nest while yer at it.)

I have received some sharp PM's regarding my claiming authorship of some of the above limericks, (not really, <img src="http://www.piratesahoy.com/forum/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/no.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":no" border="0" alt="no.gif" /> ) and I feel compelled to come clean. I discovered these verses within a book that used to shore up a short leg on the desk in my cabin. I've since gotten a prosthetic for my `peg-leg` desk and now I can share them with you no matter how much you beg me to stop. The book is entitled, <b><u>The Oughta See</u></b>, by a mariner named Homer and this is the first poem in the book:

<b>An Ode to the Blind Parrot</b>

I sing how the dear old Blind Parrot
Serves Snakebite, good Red Eye, bad claret,
If you're stuck in a funk,
lacking means to get drunk,
You've got mates there `a-willing` to share it!
<img src="http://www.piratesahoy.com/forum/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/cheers.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":cheers" border="0" alt="cheers.gif" />:
 
There was a young pirate from Bristol
Whose cutlass was made out of crystal.
Other pirates just laughed,
they all thought him daft.
But they learned he was good with a pistol.

__________________________________________

On his `death-bed`, a pirate named Ned,
Made a limerick up in his head,
But before he had time,
To write down the last line,
... ... ...
 
There once was a seadog named William
Who, when tankards were empty would fill 'em.
He'd pass round the rum
to every last bum
And when they were all drunk he'd kill 'em.




ARR! More rum!
 
I once battled Christopher Mings
As well tailored as barbary kings
I was mistaken at first
That the man had no thirst
For blood, fire and other mad things
 
I was boarded by Mad Jack the crook,
while too drunk then to properly look.
With pistol and cutlass
i created a ruckuss,
And killed me first mate and me cook.





Not me most glorious moment...
 
I couldn't resist. You may be the first valley girl pirate I know.

Catalina was walking the deck
When she came on a fast sinking wreck
It was blasted and burning
while the whole sea was turning
And she cried out aloud, "Oh my heck!"







I'll come up with a better one I promise.
 
I once had the terrible gall
To shoot Captain Cookie with ball
He searched the West Indies
but we hid in the privies
And were after called sea skunks by all.
 
A randy young fellow named Payne,
Wooed a lovely girl, but in vain,
For she cursed when he kissed her,
So he slept with her sister,
Again and again and again.

________________________________

There was a young lady called Lynn,
Who was deep in original sin,
When they said "Do be good,"
She said "I would if I could,"
And straight away went at it again.

________________________________

There was a young woman named Melanie,
Who was asked by a man, "Do you sell any?"
She replied, "No, siree,
I give it for free.
To sell it, dear sir, is a felony."
 
Once while me dear sloop went a yawing,
the parrot sent up a great cawing.
for there at the beam
with a smile and a gleam
a party of boarders were sawing...
 
Bloody hell!! I've run out of clean ones... <img src="http://www.piratesahoy.com/forum/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/mybad.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":facepalm" border="0" alt="mybad.gif" />
 
<b><!--quoteo--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Originally posted by Mad Jack
Bloody hell!! I've run out of clean ones...  <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd--></b>

So? <img src="http://www.piratesahoy.com/forum/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/icon_wink.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=";)" border="0" alt="icon_wink.gif" />

William Red Wake, you have a copy of the <b><u>Oughta See</u></b>, as well! I think our translations differ a mite, for the poem featuring me, in my version, has a parenthetical insertion, expounding upon my good looks, that goes on for six pages. I'll have to post mine so we can compare the translations. Here's another poem from the book:

<b>A Toast to Skull's Ol' Snakebit Brew</b>

Skull's Snakebite can calm all your fears,
Promotes singing and laughter and cheers,
It's by safe process, distilled,
And it's best when served chilled,
And has a `half-life` of `sixty-six` years.

pic.php
 
I'll go ahead and post these together since I'll be out of town and away from me computer for the next week...

With the police still hot on his trail,
He was tempted by fanny for sale,
So the crook went to bed,
With a price on his head,
And a girl with a price on her tail!

_______________________________

There once was a girl from St Paul,
Wore a newspaper dress to a ball,
The dress caught on fire,
And burned her entire
Front page, sports section, and all.
_______________________________

Across from my house is young Mabel,
When her curtains stay open, I'm able,
To watch her caressing
Herself while undressing,
(As long as I stand on this table).
_______________________________

There was a young lady of Worcester,
Who dreamt that a rooster'd seduced her.
She woke with a scream,
But 'twas only a dream---
A bump in the mattress had goosed her.
_______________________________

Now here is a real hard brain teaser:
A guy meets a girl - wants to please her,
Should he take her to dinner,
In order to win her?
Or pounce, like a randy old geezer? <img src="http://www.piratesahoy.com/forum/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/diomed.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":dio" border="0" alt="diomed.gif" />
_______________________________

A lissome psychotic named Jane
Once kissed every man on a train;
Said she, "Please don't panic!
I'm just nymphomanic.
It wouldn't be fun if I were sane."
 
A big `Arrr-men` to both of you; Mad Jack and William Red Wake, you;ve both enlightened our brotherhood and brought us all closer to greater understanding by your good works here. Hurry back, Mad Jack, we can't guarantee that there will still be any rum left for your return, you know how it is around here.... <img src="http://www.piratesahoy.com/forum/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/icon_wink.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=";)" border="0" alt="icon_wink.gif" />

Have a good trip!
 
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