Joke thread

[Meigger]

Dieting rule - When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.

 

[Old Salt]

Two blondes are walking in the woods when one spots tracks and says, "Hey look, bear tracks!"
To which the other blonde replies, "No those are deer tracks!" They argue for about an hour.
Next morning, the news headlines read: Two blondes, killed by train.

 

[Meigger]

Dieting rule - When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you don't eat more than they do.

 

[Old Salt]

<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cows.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />

 

[Meigger]

Nice one Salty.

Diet rule - Foods used for medicinal purposes NEVER count. Examples: Hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

 

[Old Salt]

<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/snakes.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />

 

[Meigger]

Diet rule - If you fatten up everyone around you, then you look thinner.

 

[Old Salt]

<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/birddroppings.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />

 

[Meigger]

Diet rule - If you are in the process of preparing something, food licked off knives and spoons have no calories.

 

[Old Salt]

<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/goldfish-diarrhea.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />

 

[Meigger]

Signs that you might be upset - The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.

 

[Old Salt]

<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/gspz0519.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />

 

[Meigger]

Sign you might be upset - You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

 

[Old Salt]

<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/gspz0527.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />

 

[Meigger]

<img src="http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l133/meigger/995108.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />

 

[Old Salt]

<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/gspz0718.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />

 

[Meigger]

Sign you might be upset - You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

 

[Old Salt]

<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/burger.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />

 

[Meigger]

<img src="http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l133/meigger/954772.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />

 

[Old Salt]

<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/elephant.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />