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Joke thread

What's so funny about Antwerp? <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/unsure.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":?" border="0" alt="unsure.gif" />
 
The Huge Iphone in the wall that says, Touch me. But in front of it stands a girl and it seems that the arrows which are supposed to point at the phone, are pointing at the girl.
 
AH! I get it! Seems I'm a bit... slooooow today... <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/razz.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":razz" border="0" alt="razz.gif" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/car-Prove_your_love.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<!--quoteo(post=311434:date=Apr 6 2009, 10:50 PM:name=Morgan Terror)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Morgan Terror @ Apr 6 2009, 10:50 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=311434"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->he's talking about the whores, dummy. but that's in Amsterdam.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->See? I KNEW there was a reason for me to be confused! <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/razz.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":razz" border="0" alt="razz.gif" />
Hey! And no bad words about Amsterdam! <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/whippa.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":whipa" border="0" alt="whippa.gif" />
 
<!--quoteo(post=311436:date=Apr 6 2009, 05:09 PM:name=Old Salt)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Old Salt @ Apr 6 2009, 05:09 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=311436"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--><img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/car-Prove_your_love.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" /><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/006.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":rofl" border="0" alt="24.gif" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/1434.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<!--quoteo--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing away from each other.

A few minutes into the class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers and switched the inputs for the keyboards. She came back and started typing and immediately got a distressed look on her face.

She called the teacher over and explained that no matter what she typed, nothing would happen. The teacher tried everything. By this time I was hiding behind my monitor and quaking red-faced.

I started to type, "Leave me alone!"

They both jumped back, silenced. "What the . . . " the teacher said.
I typed, "I said leave me alone!"

The kid got real upset. "I didn't do anything to it, I swear!"
It was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud. The conversation between them and HAL 2000 went on for an amazing five minutes.

Me: "Don't touch me!"

Her: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit your keys that hard."

Me: "Who do you think you are anyway?!" Etc. Finally, I couldn't contain myself any longer and fell out of my chair laughing.

After they had realized what I had done, they both turned beet red. Funny, I never got more than a C- in that class.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
 
<!--quoteo--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->One morning a Scotsman is having breakfast in Paris, (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and marmalade) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The Scotsman ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

Frenchman: 'You Scots folk eat the whole bread?'

Scotsman (in a bad mood): 'Of course.'

Frenchman (after blowing a huge bubble): 'We don't. In France , we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Scotland .' The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.

The Scotsman listens in silence.

The Frenchman persists: 'Do you eat marmalade with your bread?'

Scotsman: 'Of course.'

Frenchman (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling): 'We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into marmalade, and sell the marmalade to Scotland.'

After a moment of silence, the Scotsman asks: 'Do you have sex in France ?'

Frenchman: 'Why of course we do', he says with a big smirk.

Scotsman: 'And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?'

Frenchman: 'We throw them away, of course.'

Scotsman: 'We don't. In Scotland , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum, and sell them to France .'
hahah\ahahahahah<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
 
<!--quoteo--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman find a wizard on the top of a tall cliff. The wizard orders them to jump off the cliff, but he also promises that if they say anything while falling, they will get it at the bottom of the cliff. So first, the Englishman jumps off the cliff and shouts, "Pillows!" and so he lands on some pillows. Then the Scotsman jumps off the cliff, and he shouts, "Hay!" and so he lands on some hay. Finally the Irishman runs to jump off the cliff, but he trips on a rock just before the jump and says, "Aw, shite!"<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
 
<!--quoteo--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Paddy Scotsman, Paddy Englishman and Paddy Irishman were discussing the infidelity of their wives. "I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician", said Paddy Irishman, "because I found an electrician's toolbox under her bed last night." "I think my wife is having an affair with a plumber", said Paddy Scotsman, "because last night I found a plunger under her bed". "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse", said Paddy Englishman, "because last night I found a jockey under her bed."<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
 
<!--quoteo--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Paddy Englishman, Paddy Irishman and Paddy Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman turns around and says: "What is this, some kind of joke?"<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
 
<!--quoteo--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Paddy Englishman, Paddy Scotsman and a Rabbi walk into a bar. The Rabbi stops and says "I think I'm in the wrong joke".<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
 
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