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Joke thread

Discussion in 'Throwing The Bones' started by Old Salt, May 7, 2007.

  1. Meigger

    Meigger 1000th Member Man

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  2. Grey Roger

    Grey Roger Sea Dog Staff Member Storm Modder

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    There was a rich man who lived in a big house which had a big garden with a swimming pool at the far end. One night he awoke to hear noises coming from the pool, and when he went to investigate he saw some teenagers swimming.
    "You kids will need to get out of there", he said.
    "What are you, a pervert or something?" replied one of the female teenagers. "We haven't any clothes on and we're not coming out while you're there".
    "Don't worry, I'm not here to watch you", said the man. "I'm just here to feed the crocodile."
     
  3. Meigger

    Meigger 1000th Member Man

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    I will bet they jumped out of that pool really fast. lol
     
  4. Grey Roger

    Grey Roger Sea Dog Staff Member Storm Modder

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    My friend didn't react well to being sent to jail. He swore, he spat, he refused food, and ultimately he smeared his excrement on the walls.

    That's the last time we ever let him play Monopoly.
     
  5. Meigger

    Meigger 1000th Member Man

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  6. Grey Roger

    Grey Roger Sea Dog Staff Member Storm Modder

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    A man met a woman in a bar and asked "If I pay you $1,000,000 will you sleep with me?"
    She replied "Sure".
    He then asked "If I pay you $10 will you sleep with me?"
    She replied "What do you think I am, some sort of cheap whore?"
    He said "We've already established that you're a whore, now we're just haggling the price".
     
  7. Meigger

    Meigger 1000th Member Man

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    She may be a whore, but I don't think $10 dollars will get her in bed.
     
  8. Radetzky

    Radetzky Confirmed landlubber QC Advisor Quest Writer Creative Support

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    I hope I can be forgiven for necro-ing three years untouched thread, for it is to share a collection of genuine Victorian jokes and puns (curiously in a cookery book, the reasoning provided in the preface):
    The family save-all : a system of secondary cookery containing nearly one thousand three hundred invaluable hints for economy in the use of every article of household consumption : Philp, Robert Kemp, 1819-1882 : Free Download & Streaming : Internet Archive

    My favourite is a variation on this gem apparently authored by Richard Whately:
    Why can a man never starve in the Great Desert? Because he can eat the sand which is there. But what brought the sandwiches there? Why, Noah sent Ham, and his descendants mustered and bred.
     
    Thagarr likes this.
  9. Grey Roger

    Grey Roger Sea Dog Staff Member Storm Modder

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    This year's Christmas pantomime will involve pirates, specifically one Captain Jack Sparrow. He's on a quest for magical beans. He's already heard legends of a famous band of pirates renowned for keeping these beans with them, the Pirates of the Carried Beans.

    And now he wants to join them. When he finds some beans of his own, he tries to get them to tell him where the legendary pirates can be found. Jack and the Beans Talk.
     
    Pieter Boelen likes this.

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