Transformation and the End of the Line

[Cerez]

"You must forgive me if I'm up and gone to Carolina in my mind."

This is the first time I am sharing something like this, and I hope it doesn't backfire -- I don't want to make you sad and I'm really not sharing for pity's sake -- but I'm in a lot of pain tonight, and listening to it again, I just wanted to share with you how much influential autistic musician, James Taylor's, song, Carolina in My Mind, right now means to me.

It's one of the most beautiful songs about dying naturally I've ever heard, and so true to life. Right now, I am just so grateful that songs like this exist -- they offer me immense comfort and a way to emotionally face what's inevitably coming.

I may share a few other related songs here, just because these songs are so rare. People focus too much on romantic love in songs, and not enough on the more subtle but so much deeper experiences that change us and that matter most to us. There is so much more to life than career/personal ambitions (ego), sex, and romantic love. I feel that people are generally so shallow with their perceptions.

You may find all this a bit morbid, and for that I apologise, but when you're physically on the "dark side of the moon", they feel very real, warm, and genuinely comforting.

I'd much rather share with you than keep silent about these natural experiences. If you don't yet feel ready, you don't have to listen right now. It's really for when it feels right.

 

[The Nameless Pirate]

This is the first time I am sharing something like this, and I hope it doesn't backfire -- I don't want to make you sad and I'm really not sharing for pity's sake -- but I'm in a lot of pain tonight, and listening to it again, I just wanted to share with you how much influential autistic musician, James Taylor's, song, Carolina in My Mind, right now means to me.

Don't worry about it.
Thank you for sharing this, I really like it.

It's one of the most beautiful songs about dying naturally I've ever heard, and so true to life. Right now, I am just so grateful that songs like this exist -- they offer me immense comfort and a way to emotionally face what's inevitably coming.



I may share a few other related songs here, just because these songs are so rare. People focus too much on romantic love in songs, and not enough on the more subtle but so much deeper experiences that change us and that matter most to us. There is so much more to life than career/personal ambitions (ego), sex, and romantic love. I feel that people are generally so shallow with their perceptions.

Thinking that life is all about these things, in not just shallow, but also imbalanced.
There is much more to life.
Plus death must be processed, treating it like a taboo only brings trouble in the long run.

And after all...

You may find all this a bit morbid, and for that I apologise, but when you're physically on the "dark side of the moon", they feel very real, warm, and genuinely comforting.

I'd much rather share with you than keep silent about these natural experiences. If you don't yet feel ready, you don't have to listen right now. It's really for when it feels right.

I don't find it morbid.
When the time comes, I can't say how I will react.
But sharing experiences makes it easier to process death.

When it comes I don't know if it will make a difference, but it helps a lot beforehand.

And no matter what happens, remember this: Once a pirate, always a pirate. And us pirates must stick together.

 

[Cerez]

Thanks Ted.

Three other songs that right now come to my mind are another one of James', Fire and Rain (about great personal loss and related deep depression and coping):

Scottish-Australian folk musician Eric Bogle's Since Nancy Died (about his mother's death, and truly growing up):

And A Down and Dusky Blonde from the God Help the Girl soundtrack (about mental health related hospitalisation and struggles, and living with depression):

 

[The Nameless Pirate]

Thank you once more.

 

[Pieter Boelen]

I'm in a lot of pain tonight

I'm so, so sorry...

I just wanted to share with you how much influential autistic musician, James Taylor's, song, Carolina in My Mind, right now means to me.

Listening to it now.
It sounds quite lovely.
Simple, but as you say, comforting.

I'm pretty bad with understanding lyrics that are sung though; so just focusing on the melody for the most part.

As for the subject matter... I could say something.
But I can't. I don't know how.

 

[Cerez]

I'm pretty bad with understanding lyrics that are sung though; so just focusing on the melody for the most part.

"In my mind I'm goin' to Carolina
Can't you see the sunshine
Can't you just feel the moonshine
Maybe just like a friend of mine
It hit me from behind
Yes, I'm goin' to Carolina in my mind"

I'm going to back to my childhood in my mind, and it's emotionally carrying me away. It came and suprised me like a good old friend, warmly greeting me. [James grew up in Carolina.]

"Karin, she's a silver sun
You best walk her way and watch it shinin'
Watch her watch the mornin' come
A silver tear appearing now, I'm cryin'
Ain't I, goin' to Carolina in my mind"

I'm remembering a special person in my life from long ago, someone who meant a lot to me, but I didn't know just how much at the time. I'm crying, now? I guess I am, missing young love...

"There ain't no doubt in no-one's mind
That love's the finest thing around
Whisper something soft and kind
And hey babe the sky's on fire, I'm dyin'
Ain't I, goin' to Carolina in my mind"

No-one can truly doubt that love and kindness are the most meaningful thing we have in this life. Be genuinely kind and loving to others.

Now I'm seeing things that are not here (hallucinations/visions). I must be dying. I'm going back to my childhood.

"In my mind I'm goin' to Carolina
Can't you see the sunshine
Can't you just feel the moonshine
Ain't it just like a friend of mine
To hit me from behind
Yes, I'm goin' to Carolina in my mind"

[Reprise:] I'm going to back to my childhood in my mind, and it's emotionally carrying me away. Like my best friend, it's here to support/comfort me, to ease my pain.

"Dark and silent late last night
I think I might have heard the highway calling
Geese in flight and dogs that bite
Signs that might be omens say I'm going, going
I'm goin' to Carolina in my mind"

Last night I couldn't sleep. I lay listening to the sounds of life around me. My body is telling me the end is near.

"With a holy host of others standing around me
Still I'm on the dark side of the moon
And it seems like it goes on like this forever
You must forgive me
If I'm up and gone to Carolina in my mind"

Even with everyone I love and respect being here for me to support me, I still somehow feel down and alone, separate. And this long ordeal of pain and release seems to go on forever. You must forgive me for not being here with you, for letting my mind carry me away to a warmer place, to parts of my childhood.

"In my mind I'm goin' to Carolina
Can't you see the sunshine
Can't you just feel the moonshine
Ain't it just like a friend of mine
To hit me from behind
Yes, I'm goin' to Carolina in my mind..."

[Reprise:] I'm going to back to my childhood in my mind, and it's emotionally carrying me away. Like my best friend, it's here to support/comfort me, to ease my pain.

"I'm goin' to Carolina in my mind
And I'm goin' to Carolina in my mind
I'm goin' to Carolina in my mind
I'm gone, I'm gone

I'm gone
Say nice things about me
'Cause I'm gone southbound
You'll have to carry on without me
I'm gone..."

[Closing:] Dying is a process, this is not the end of it, it goes on. I'm saying my goodbyes, letting go of attachments, and leaving this world, going back to my birth/childhood, to a warmer place. I'm letting my body carry me on this journey.