No-one "deals" well with stress. In practice there is no such thing as dealing well with stress. Stress is always harmful on the body. It is pushing the body far beyond its limits.
There's a lot of confusion on the definition there.
This is a common way to look at it:
There is certainly some truth to that and not every level of stress is by definition harmful.
Certainly not if it is some mild pressure and not too prolonged.
This model is also FAR too simplistic.
For example, it ignores the part where some people (specifically those with high internal motivation) don't need
extra stress to function at optimal level.
There's also a difference between people who can't or won't deal with too high levels of stress (lazy or regular people) and those two CAN and DO (for example, me).
When I looked into it just now, I was pleasantly surprised to find a graph on the internet that approximates my own thinking:
Here you (read: I)
keep pushing on either because of external forces or because of that internal motivation (or some combination of both).
This is a dangerous combination and eventually the intended targets can no longer be reached.
The part where this is SUPER confusing is that, on short term, this
can work.
As long as there is recovery time afterwards.
Which there was when I worked 4 months at sea, but then had 2 months of absolutely nothing.
And when the atmosphere/culture on board had not yet completely gone to shit.
It got different when ashore, where suddenly there
wasn't that '2 months of nothing' anymore.
Still I could cope with that just fine as, to me, it just felt completely normal.
Until the atmosphere/culture dropped down there too. Which can happen literally all of a sudden.
By which time it is already too late. Apparently.
It didn't need to be. I started warning my manager(s)
well before my breakdown point was reached.
But that's where the cracks in their management skills began to really show.
They did NOTHING with my warnings.
Or what they did involved 'most certainly
not listening to the actual things I said'.
Couple of links about it I just found (and that I did NOT all study in-depth
):
Are You Too Stressed to Be Productive? Or Not Stressed Enough?
Jan 2019: The Good Side of Stress » Stuff4Educators.com -
https://explorable.com/how-does-stress-affect-performance
I've witnessed an Autistic/ADHD person do that once.
We met after that
Science Cafe about Adaption I mentioned before.
I had made some comments during the question bit and two people (well... technically three, but that's a different story
) approached me afterwards.
The two of them got into an argument, which got heated REAL quick.
It also
ended real quick because that Autistic/ADHD person caught the ableist attitude, decided the other person was close-minded and shut down himself.
Personally it seemed like a bit of an over-reaction to me, but since I'm probably less Autistic/ADHD than he is, I believe it made sense for him.
We're still in touch. He seems like a good guy.
Turns out he does coaching next to his regular day job.
Learning to talk to people my way. I don't exaggerate/lie, I'm no good at it -- I don't know how to make a scene to impress neurotypicals and communicate with them. So instead I find someone who shows some sympathy/empathy
Truth be told, sometimes your writing DOES read (to me) as if it
is exaggerated.
But I know you well enough to know you do not lie.
When you write it strongly, that is because you genuinely
feel it that strongly.
(Or so I believe... Correct me if I'm wrong.)
I suppose it's the same reaction I've got to that guy I mentioned very rapidly shutting down that conversation.
That also
seemed like an over-reaction, but at the same time I believe from his side it was absolutely the right thing to do.
Likely this is also the same reaction my managers have
to me.
That puts me at both ends at the same time.
Strange position to be in, but here we are...
I have yet to succeed at making my managers see reason.
And I don't know if I manage to do it better (so with sympathy/empathy/understanding) than them towards you either.
If I don't, then I do apologise.
I ask to talk with them somewhere quiet in private. Then I openly explain to them the gravity of my situation, not leaving out any of the gory details. I've found that neurotypical people can be a lot more understanding and reasonable when they are separated from their usual social environment in the moment, and with that they are encouraged to focus greater on the one person they are talking with. They also usually feel more responsible for what they say in this situation, so they make a greater effort to understand your predicament.
Oddly, my experience is that 1-on-1 literally ANYTHING GOES. To the point that it genuinely scares me.
Somehow certain people (far too many) I've been dealing with apparently
don't feel more responsible in that situation.
Without social control and with no witness other than me, there's plenty opportunity for them to say the absolute craziest things.
If there is a THIRD person present though, who is either on my side or at least
somewhat independent, the tables get completely reversed.
Suddenly then I end up talking to a reasonable human being, rather than...
*yikes and shudders*.
communicating emotionally -- which means that they will exaggerate to make a point, and/or to draw attention to themselves. And too much exaggeration, practiced continuously, practically leads to lying and deceiving.
Quite the nice explanation for where narcissism and gaslighting come from!
It's also important for you to realise that neurotypical people are like that and accept them as they are. It doesn't make them necessarily good or bad. Neurotypical people are usually more driven by their emotions
Driven by emotions is perfectly fine.
Pretty sure that's where that strong internal drive of mine comes from too.
It's certainly not rational; even though it IS real.
There seems to be a difference though in whether the ratio drives the emotion (like is usually the case with me, I think)
or when emotions drive the ratio instead (leading to explaining away all sorts of irrational behaviour and/or even being completely unable to see it).
In my experience, which matches with my observations from others as well as myself, the more we are under stress, the less ratio controls us.
Which brings us back full circle to your original point:
No-one "deals" well with stress.
So... Fair point! Well made.